Its the middle of the night...

Its 12:57am and my night of sleep is OVER!  Just last week we learned that Hope's paperwork had been submitted to the CCCWA and that as of a couple of weeks ago it was in translation.  When I heard that my hopes instantly soared thinking that her file could be "ready" sooner rather than later.  Then I learned that tonight, in the middle of the night, the newest batch of available children with special needs would be released to the list of "ready to be adopted" children.  My hopes soared even higher.  I thought, "There's a REALLY good chance that her file could be released with this group."  So I did what any potential adoptive parent who knows that God is in control of even the most minute of details does...

I began begging for people to pray with us for  "a birthday miracle."  You see, Hope's first birthday is this Friday, September 30th.  She will turn one in a very special foster home with people who love and adore her, but she won't have her mommy and daddy there with her.  The only consolation to that sad reality would be if God could orchestrate a divine miracle in the life of our family and His precious daughter, Hope...blessing her and her future family with the knowledge that she has a family that is on its way!!!

"In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my request before you and wait in expectation."  Psalm 5:3

I'm pretty sure that I never stopped praying since about last week Wednesday about the possibility that tonight would be "the night" when we would learn if Hope's file would be ready.  What this all means is kinda complicated but I'll briefly break it down into steps.

If Hope's file is ready, then she is officially available to be matched with a family...

If she's available to be matched with a family, then we are praying that she will be placed on a specific list for children with more significant needs.  This is a multi-faceted "praise" if she is because it allows our family to lock her as our child well before the typical matching process would take place (meaning instead of not knowing who our daughter is until January-ish...we could know next week!!).  It also means that we would become eligible for more grants based on the severity of Hope's needs.  Every penny saved is crucial to us being able to complete the process and stay afloat....

If Hope is on the Special Focus list (for children with more moderate to severe significant needs/older children), Holt must work to get Hope's file designated to them to find her a home.  If anyone can do this, they can :)

If Hope becomes a designated "Holt Special Focus" baby, we will be able to view her file, pray over it, send it around to a few important doctors and make a final decision about our intent to adoption her as our baby girl.

The rest is a whole lot more paperwork which will be much more meaningful down the road, but the most important part is that we get her file, prayerfully review all the information and make our decision to pursue her.  Then we wait for provisional approval and on and on the waiting game continues. We are expecting that we could travel sometime in the late spring/early summer at this point.

So let me cut to the chase here.

At 9:00pm I received an email from our agency containing these words, "we think we found your girl :)"

Oh dear Lord, could it be!?!?!  That was all the email said.  What does that mean?  Did they find her on the shared list?  Was it the special focus list?  She wouldn't have said "your girl" if things weren't positive, would she?  Could God be so good as to bless us with yet another miracle!?!?  Will Hope be ours, Lord?  Oh please let her be ours!!!


After many shed tears of joy and a couple phone calls, I tried to settle down for the night.  I knew that the chance of getting a good night's sleep was slim to none and now...well, no way.  So I put my phone on silent, knowing I'd be checking it a gazillion times for more emails from Holt without giving myself a chance to fall asleep.

At 12:30am I rolled over and saw my phone flashing and scanned through the latest emails to find yet another email from Holt.  Yes...Yes...YESSSSSSSS!!!!!  "Yep (she was on the special focus list)...we are doing well and I will give you a call as soon as possible in the am."

Heavenly Father, how could I every doubt your love for me?  I have such a small faith and you've blessed my family over and over and over with such obvious miracles.  I asked for a birthday miracle and even though it seemed a little silly you knew my heart and answered my longing with gifts greater than I ever dreamed possible.  When I think of how I'll share this story with our sweet girl, I'm speechless.  If it wasn't for living this journey and seeing Your hand in it over and over and over, I might not believe it if I was told.  The timing?  Amazing.  The circumstances?  Unbelievable.  The story of bringing a precious little girl to our family?  Miraculous!


So now in the middle of the night, with tears streaming down my face, I write with joy that tomorrow morning God will shed new light onto the life of a sweet girl we've loved since before we ever saw her precious face.  A girl who has been completely wrapped in love by God's own hands since before she was knit together in her mother's womb and in my heart.

"Blessed is she who has believe that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!"  Luke 1:45

"From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another."  John 1:16


We may very well get our birthday miracle.  Hope may get her birthday miracle, too!